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| Friday, September 24, 2004 |
| What *is* my problem?? |
I have a date tonight. It's a guy from either Yahoo or Match. I can't remember which, and that's kind of sad. Match, I think. I have no idea why I'm not looking forward to it. The guy seems nice enough, and I should be looking forward to gettting to know him better. He's made reservations at a nice restaurant, which is something I've never had done for me on a date before. It's not even the thought of eating raw fish that's making me squemish. I have to pull myself out of this because it's very unfair to my date. If I was feeling this way I should have said no. As soon as I get internet connected at the new place, I'm taking my profiles off!
Seriously, I'm usually the hopelessly idealistic bounce-back girl. The "this guy will be it" girl. And I'm just not feeling that way. I'm really tired of disappointment, silent rejection, getting excited, and then getting let down. I just want a break from it all for a while. I wonder if it has something to do with the suave gentlman I've been speaking to a lot who lies just out of my reach? He's been a wonderful friend lately, and he's spoiling me with compliments, "you can do betters," and a bit of nice, honest flirting. But shouldn't that really make me want to go out and show myself off a bit?
Truth be told, I'm looking more forward to getting out and doing trail maintenance with the my bike club tomorrow than I am to getting myself together to make small talk tonight. Aren't I horrid?
Depend not on another, but lean instead on thyself...True happiness is born of self-reliance.
--The Laws of Manu
Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward.
--Patricia Sampson
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posted by LoRi~fLoWer
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