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| Tuesday, November 08, 2005 |
| Ex-traneous Information? |
So here's a question we were tossing around the lunch room the other day. You've met someone you really like. You're past the awkward "dating" phase ("so...what do you do?"), you' re pretty much done finding out the fundamentals about each other, and you consider yourselves a couple.
How much does that person need to know about the people you had relationships with in the past? Nothing at all? Names? Only if it was a long term relationship? Or do you reveal to them only based on what they reveal to you?
Do you feel like you want to know about the people they dated? What if they were engaged or married before, do you have a right to know why that relationship didn't work out? If they weren't comfortable talking about it, would that make you have second thoughts?
I think it's instinct to want to clam up about this. In one way or another your old relationships were failures, and who wants to talk about things you weren't any good at? On the other hand, I think if a person has been involved in a serious relationship that lasted a while and did not work out, how the person handled that situation says a lot about who they are. I'd want to know about it, at least on vague terms. Do I care about how many first dates you went on? No probably not, although the stories might be funny. Do I care that you were with someone for 3 years and bought a house together but she ended up leaving you because you kept borrowing her underwear? Yeah, that one would be nice to know. |
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
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I guess it depends on the comfort level and openess in the new relationship. Now I didn't tell my husband about all my relationships except the most serious one. My ex-boyfriend was the manager of the grocery store where my husband and I shopped so my husband actually MET my ex a few times. It was okay, though because there was no bad blood between me and my ex and my husband, though basically still a boy, was secure in our relationship.
I think getting involved with anyone new is a hazard to some extent, you may never know the quirks or problems that broke up the last relationships but then again, those quirks or problems might not even matter to you like they did to the person he dated before.
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I guess it depends on the comfort level and openess in the new relationship. Now I didn't tell my husband about all my relationships except the most serious one. My ex-boyfriend was the manager of the grocery store where my husband and I shopped so my husband actually MET my ex a few times. It was okay, though because there was no bad blood between me and my ex and my husband, though basically still a boy, was secure in our relationship.
I think getting involved with anyone new is a hazard to some extent, you may never know the quirks or problems that broke up the last relationships but then again, those quirks or problems might not even matter to you like they did to the person he dated before.