Last night I was lying in bed on the edge of sleep thinking about this fight/ argument/ disagreement that I'm having with a friend right now. I hate going to sleep thinking someone out there is angry with me. I am not one of those people who thrive on conflict. In fact, I'll apologize for something that I never did, never had any intention of doing, or wouldn't even know how to do, just to keep the peace. And if I have done something wrong, I'll apologize even more profusely for that. I hate fighting with the people that I love, and any spark of anger I might have felt usually fizzles within about 5 minutes. But this time (excuse my use of the wrong pronoun, it's to avoid being gender specific) I really thing that they are in the wrong. I honestly think that in this case I was the party treated badly.
Normally, even this wouldn't stop me from apologizing if I thought the other person would say, "I'm sorry too." But instead, I'm being made to feel not only that I overreacted, but that what I over reacted to was simply the pure, unvarnished truth about my personality. . .that I should be thankful for being told every single flaw this person sees in my personality. . . and, perhaps, even seek some sort of professional help for said flaws.
Maybe these flaws are inherent to my personality. And maybe if I went to a therapist and said "tell me what's wrong with me" and subsequently paid him $200 an hour for his advice...maybe then I wouldn't have the same "over-the-top" reaction at being told these things as I do being told them by a friend. It is not the way to get through to someone, to change someone, to love someone.
I'm sorry that we're fighting. I'm sorry that things got out of hand. But I still think you just don't treat people that way. And I still think that you owe me a sincere apology.
When I pass, speak freely of my shortcomings and my flaws.
Learn from them, for I'll have no ego to injure.
Aaron McGruder, Boondocks, 07-04-04 |
