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Thursday, October 14, 2004
Hiding the Olive Branch
Last night I was lying in bed on the edge of sleep thinking about this fight/ argument/ disagreement that I'm having with a friend right now. I hate going to sleep thinking someone out there is angry with me. I am not one of those people who thrive on conflict. In fact, I'll apologize for something that I never did, never had any intention of doing, or wouldn't even know how to do, just to keep the peace. And if I have done something wrong, I'll apologize even more profusely for that. I hate fighting with the people that I love, and any spark of anger I might have felt usually fizzles within about 5 minutes. But this time (excuse my use of the wrong pronoun, it's to avoid being gender specific) I really thing that they are in the wrong. I honestly think that in this case I was the party treated badly.

Normally, even this wouldn't stop me from apologizing if I thought the other person would say, "I'm sorry too." But instead, I'm being made to feel not only that I overreacted, but that what I over reacted to was simply the pure, unvarnished truth about my personality. . .that I should be thankful for being told every single flaw this person sees in my personality. . . and, perhaps, even seek some sort of professional help for said flaws.

Maybe these flaws are inherent to my personality. And maybe if I went to a therapist and said "tell me what's wrong with me" and subsequently paid him $200 an hour for his advice...maybe then I wouldn't have the same "over-the-top" reaction at being told these things as I do being told them by a friend. It is not the way to get through to someone, to change someone, to love someone.

I'm sorry that we're fighting. I'm sorry that things got out of hand. But I still think you just don't treat people that way. And I still think that you owe me a sincere apology.

When I pass, speak freely of my shortcomings and my flaws.
Learn from them, for I'll have no ego to injure.
Aaron McGruder, Boondocks, 07-04-04
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
  • At 7:55 PM, Blogger Furious Angel said…

    I'm famous! I'm in Lori's blog!

    Okay, right-to-reply time here:

    Yes, I did say some things that could be seen as offensive. But only because I was trying to tell you that one aspect of your behavior was upsetting me.

    It's not a question of attacking you - it's a question of alerting you to the fact that I was upset, and I had to tell you why, even if you didn't like it very much.

    Anyway, I love you, Lori. I'm sorry for upsetting you. I feel I was right to say something, but I admit that I went about it the wrong way. Is that fair?

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