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| Friday, October 08, 2004 |
| Panic |
I had another one of my panic attacks last night. This morning, actually, at around 4 a.m. This was probably the worst one yet. My entire body was hot and quivering...not shaking, it was faster than that. And my heart was beating so fast. I couldn't lie still in the bed. I wanted to run somewhere, but my roommate had just gotten in and was wandering around. I got out of bed and was just crouched down in the middle of the floor of my room with my hands over my head. Somehow I ended up bunched up in the corner of my bed praying as hard as I could. It took a long time to calm myself down, or at least it felt like a long time until my heart rate came back to normal. I don't know why these happen to me. I lead a normal, mainly happy life, then suddenly these instances of primal terror surround me. I wish I knew how to make them stop. They linger too, even now I feel like I'm standing on the precipice of one, and if I just let myself think of the wrong thing I'd be on the floor in a ball again. I can feel the vibrations of it still inside me.
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posted by LoRi~fLoWer
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