|
| Friday, November 12, 2004 |
| A Pilfered List of Universal Truths |
This one was one of those things that gets forwarded to you, so I have no idea who to credit. Or maybe I got it a long time ago off my friend Kirsty's Blog? See, now if they'd have copyrighted it...
I have highlighted those that I've found especially brilliant.
Universal Truths
- Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
- At the end of every party there is always a girl crying
- One of the most awkward things that can happen in a bar is when your beer-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger's.
- You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green potato chips
- Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly
- Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
- You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your backyard.
- Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
- You never know where to look when eating a banana
- It's impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
- Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
- Rummaging in an overgrown backyard will always turn up a bouncy ball.
- You always feel a bit scared when petting horses.
- Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into their school.
- The most embarrassing thing you can do as a schoolchild is to call your teacher mom or dad.
- The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
- Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
- Every guy has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed halfway through and then raced against the flush.
- Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
- It's impossible to look cool while picking up a Frisbee.
- Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
- Old ladies can eat more than you think.
- You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
- There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
- No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers
- You never run out of salt.
- The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
- People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
- You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
- Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
- Bricks are horrible to carry.
- In every plate of french fries there is a bad fry.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
|
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Permalink
|
|
| 5 Comments: |
-
I know it's not one of the ones you highlighted, but I think the one about everyone having an uncle who tried to steal your nose is particularly correct/disturbing/what-have-you. I didn't have any uncles, but my sister, who's more than 20 years older than me had a long term (sleazeball) boyfriend who filled in on nose-stealing. I hated him with a passion nobody in my family could understand.
-
Right... so by "sister" I meant "half-sister." My bad.
-
It really isn't possible to look cool while picking up a frisbee. But apparently it *is* possible to *think* you look cool while doing so.
-
Bravo, genius. I will link to this. Too Good :)
-
Thanks. Too bad I can't take original credit for it. I wonder who really sat down and wrote them. Glad you like it, hope you keep checking in.
|
| |
| << Home |
| |
|
|
|
|
I know it's not one of the ones you highlighted, but I think the one about everyone having an uncle who tried to steal your nose is particularly correct/disturbing/what-have-you. I didn't have any uncles, but my sister, who's more than 20 years older than me had a long term (sleazeball) boyfriend who filled in on nose-stealing. I hated him with a passion nobody in my family could understand.