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Writing Tripe Since 2004
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Tuesday, June 07, 2005
The Pull
I go through cycles where for a while I'll be quite content and then there will be a long stretch where I want to uproot and try living somewhere else. In the past, I've done just that, upped and moved, tried someplace else, because I didn't really have anything holding me where I was. Jobs were pretty much disposible, I didn't have much in the way of furniture, etc.

I still go through those cycles, but it's not as simple anymore. First there's my job. It has it's ups and downs, but mainly, I still feel appreciated and challenged here. I'm not bored very often. I'm relied upon, people trust me to do my job well. Secondly, there's my mom. Since I lost my father while I was living in Texas and he was in Pennsylvania, I have an almost paralyzing fear of being out of reach and losing my mother too. This is probably not healthy. I'm sure it's not something my mother would encourage, but there it is.

That wasn't what I planned on this post being about. I was going to post about the places I feel pulled toward.

It's usually Austin. Austin again. But why? Those two years that I lived down there were certainly not among the easiest. It was nightmareishly hot quite often. I started out with a huge weight of homesickness and working at Blockbuster Video (the evil empire). I'd never lived on my own before, not even during college. I didn't know how to budget, pay bills, find apartments, grocery shop, cook for one person... I did damage to my credit history during that time that I am, truly, still paying for today. I remember sitting in my lovely apartment and realizing that I was paying more out in bills than I was making. How I thought I could afford $720 rent on $24,000 a year is something I can't even fathom now. My group of friends and I knew all the restaurants, grocery stores, and gas stations in the area that took checks, and exactly how long it took for all those checks to clear. We lived on 25 cent wings and cornbread from the Alligator Grill (that's where they filmed the restaurant scenes in Office Space, by the way).

Yet I'm smiling as I remember all was fun. I'd never gotten to do all those stupid things that you're supposed to do when you live in a dorm room on campus. I hadn't wandered home drunk at 4 in the morning. I hadn't spent money on beer and clothes instead of groceries. I hadn't met some guy at a party and...well, I hadn't done any of that rebelling. It was my time. I ended up with a great set of friends down there that I miss.

The only thing that keeps me from trying it again (besides the sweltering heat and the oppressive humidity) is that old adage, "You can never go back." I'm not that girl anymore. I couldn't live that way anymore. It just wouldn't be the same. So I just settle for tearing up the place when I go down for visit. July 1-12...Look out! Here I come!!!
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
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