| Friday, March 03, 2006
| Today in the Travel Section: The British Experience
|Ladies and gentlemen. Boy do we have a treat for you today. I have with me, right here in Starbucks, an authentic British gentleman, CB. Let's ask him a few questions, shall we?
Roving Reporter: First, CB, what is your overall impression of America, though so far you've only seen Southeastern Pennsylvania?
Cute Brit: Well, what can I say? Erm... it's all very different, I mean, different in a nice way, it's very quaint and picturesque and I really like the accents, oh and the coffee!
RR: The coffee? You mean Starbucks?
CB: Starbucks? No, being sat here in this cafe is just like being at home, apart from not having some youths pretending they are old enough to handle a Grande Latte with a double shot, Dunkin' Donuts is the future, I've tasted it....
RR: Perhaps you could open the first Dunkin' Donuts franchise in Britain. Anyway how's the place where you are staying?
CB: Yeah, it's really cool, it's got a bathroom and everything.
RR: Yes I suppose that's unusual in your country, isn't it?
CB: Yeah, bathrooms are outlawed where I live, we have to pee behind trees and use leaves to "clean up".
RR: That King Arthur is one crazy tyrant. But since you're here now, in a civilized country. Do you have any plans to venture out of Pennsylvania?
CB: Well, at the weekend, I'm going to some place on the coast, Atlantic City so I'm told, I think Elvis lives there or something? And you can gamble legally apparently.
RR: Ah, the Vegas of the East.
CB: No, you can't compare Johnny Vegas to Elvis, he's a completely different class....
RR: Um, right. Sure. effin' Brits. Right then, how about the food? Missing the steak and kidney pie and the Black Pudding?
CB: Everywhere I look, it's all British food, like McDonalds, Pizza Hut and TGI Fridays.
RR: And I'm assuming you're missing all the rain and dreary London fog.
CB: I'm sick of this common misconception, just because I am ENGLISH does NOT mean I am from London. I live so far away from there, it probably takes less time to get to the States than to London, especially at peak times. But the weather here is great, I mean, they tell everyone its gonna snow, and they shut schools and stuff, but then it just rains....and rains...and rains, ALL day, where as we had snow yesterday back in England....
RR: *yawn* Ok then. Have you found a huge difference between British women and American women?
CB: Well, yeah, I've met one really nice girl already, she's amazing and makes me laugh so much. I get to spend more time with her over the next 12 days, so I'll let you all know how it progresses.
RR: Sounds promising. Hopefully she doesn't turn out to be an insane serial killer who lures British men overseas so she can have her wicked Black Widow way with them and then eats their heads and keeps their eyeballs in the freezer. So good luck with that. Hope to hear more from you in the future. Any last words...er...I mean anything else you want to say?
|posted by LoRi~fLoWer