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Writing Tripe Since 2004
BlogYear in Review 2005

BlogYear in Review 2006
Previous Posts

Monday, January 30, 2006
But see, I don't really *like* you
Those of you who are long time readers of my blog--all one of you, hi Bella!--may recall that when I was trying my hand at online dating I had some interesting experiences. One of which was going on 3 dates with a very nice boy, wondering why he hadn't even tried to touch me, say nothing about kiss me, and then having him tell me that he was gay. He said that he had wanted to put in one last ditch effort to be "normal" because he had always pictured himself settling in a nice little house with a wife and kids, but he just couldn't do it. He said that after seeing how nice I was and how much he thought we had in common he realized if he couldn't fake it with me, he couldn't fake it with anyone. (Which is really a nice compliment if you think about it.)

He and I stayed friends, emailing back and forth and occasionally going out to eat. It seemed like he felt like he really had a connection with me because I was the first person he told; and he really needed someone to talk to at that point about his worries over telling his parents, and all sorts of things. I was glad to be there for him at that difficult time in his life. Now he's got a boyfriend, his friends know and are supportive, his parents know and still love him although I guess they pretty much pretend they don't know. I was happy to be there for him, but the more times we had dinner I realized that his sexuality was really the only thing we talked about--at his prompting.

The thing is, I don't really want to hang out with him anymore, for the simple reason that I don't really enjoy it. He just recently emailed me and asked me to find a time when we could have dinner and I realized I was dreading trying to make time for him. He's very nice, but actually kind of a boring person in general, he has none of the personality traits that I would pick in my friends. We don't share any activities or hobbies in common, we don't have any mutual friends, we don't live in the same neighborhood, we don't read the same kind of books, we don't watch the same kind of TV.

Have any of you ever outgrown a friend who had not outgrown you? What did you do about it? Do I sound terribly selfish here? Having dinner with a nice guy is definitely not going to kill me, but at the same time, it's hard enough to find time to get together with my good friends. I feel horrid even writing that, but if you can't sound like a selfish egotistical bitch on your own blog, where can you?
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Friday, January 27, 2006
Totally, Mr. Attorney Dude!
As a young woman in the work force, I work pretty hard to be taken seriously when necessary. I always try to maintain my youthful spirit and sense of humor with my co-workers, but when the rubber hits the road I want them to know that I can do my job, and do it better than most. And I'd like to think the clients I work with apreciate my dedication and professionalism, and just thank goodness they don't know that I have puppies and a green Rainbow Brite Sprite decorating my office.

These two halves of my working personality are why when, yesterday, through a series of events that won't mean anything to you, I accidently sent an attorney client an email with the subject line "Where's my PDF, man?!?" I was absolutely mortified, then started laughing hysterically.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
And I Wasn't Even Reading Camus
Right. So I got home from work today fully intending to scrub the grout in the bathroom, having bought bleach this weekend specifically for this purpose. I was almost looking forward to it. Well, ok, no, but I was going to do it.

I went into the kitchen to get a trash bag to kneel on.

I came out of the kitchen, heard something pop and crack, felt my ankle turn and promply fell flat on my face. I didn't trip. I didn't crash into anything, but something obviously happened. I seriously thought I was going to faint. . .or throw up. I thought I was going to have to call my roommate and have her come home and take me to the emergency room.

Right now I'm lying on the couch with my foot up on two pillows. It doesn't seem to be swelling or bruising and I can pretty much walk on it, but it fucking hurts.

I do have a history of ankle issues, from my skating days, but I haven't had any problems for a long time. What the hell?

Wonder if this will bring out the foot fetish people again?

UPDATE: I think all is well. In talking to one of the biomechanics at work, he said I probably snaped my tendon over the joint when my ankle rolled (hence the popping noise) and it snapped back and now it's just sore from all the activity.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Monday, January 23, 2006
I'm in love. . .
. . .with my new laptop. I had no idea how easy it was to pirate internet access. And last night in bed I curled myself around its lovely flat screen and watched a movie, even though I had access to a normal DVD player. I'm sitting here on my PC at work and thinking that maybe I could boot up the laptop and use it instead, just because. And, worst of all, I still haven't taken the protective plastic cling off the top. . .and have no plans to do so in the near future.

P.S. I'd like to draw your attention to a new feature on the side bar of certain interesting searches that led people to my blog. Updated frequently.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Friday, January 20, 2006
So Bad That It's Good
A group of us at work have instituted "Bad Movie Lunch." We go into one of the conference rooms and use the projector and take turns bringing in the worst movies we can find (that are not completely inappropriate for the workplace). Today we are finishing up:

The governator's first movie! In the words of the original trailer, "It's totally awesome!" I don't want to give any of the greatness away but the words "grizzly bear wrestling" ought to entice you to see this classic piece of filmmaking. But be sure you get the version with Arnold's own voice, there's a dubbed version, but the confusing accent is just part of the fun!

posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Thursday, January 19, 2006
odds & ends
Firstly I'd like to start out by saying that for the first time I am blogging while horizontal! My laptop came and it's all shiny and silvery and new and...well...MINE, and I can blog upstairs now. I'm never leaving my room.

Now, I'd like you to tell me if there is something wrong with me. Here are some of the things that I am either afraid to do, or have a hard time making myself do.

1) Trying a new restaurant or store when I know the one that I go to is perfectly fine. I live an hour away from where I used to live and I still go to that town's mall and Target and Borders.

2) Making phone calls. Of any sort. I can't explain to you why I put off calling even people that I know. I'd rather text or email...or just not talk at all. Well that last isn't quite true, I do want to talk to them, but the actual calling process is, for some reason, daunting.

3)Interacting in large groups of people. I'm fine if you tell me to stand up and give a speech or tell a joke, but insinuating myself into a group dynamic I'm not so good at. People often think I'm not having a good time because they don't see me actively participating.

And lastly, I watched a little bit of the golden globes last night and I was struck with this thought: It's really amazing how many different ways there are to be beautiful.

That's it, nothing too thrilling today. Sorry to disappoint.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Monday, January 16, 2006
More on Strange Dining Experiences
Last night I ate out at a Chinese Restaurant. It wasn't one of those places where there are three tables but most of their business is carry-out; it was an all out, cloth tablecloth/cloth napkin sort of restaurant.

I was watching the table next to ours get bussed. They cleared everything off and then, with one swift tug, removed the tablecloth and deftly swung another one in its place. But not before I saw the poster of the half-naked asian woman (that'll get some search engine hits) under plexi-glass on the tabletop.

So I peaked under ours. Ours was in an orange bikini.

"Li, your order's up. Pan fried noodles at the orange bikini."
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Friday, January 13, 2006
What a Relief! (Click on the Picture to Enlarge)
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Conversations at the Dentist Office Waiting Room
Me: . . .

TV: This is Lauren Hutton. I turned down 27 infomericals over the years. But this makeup is more than something I just put my name on. This is something I believe in.

Guy: hmph.

Me: . . .

TV: My makeup is specially formulated without the mica and shiny metals that get deep into the lines on your face and actually make you look older.

Me (thinking): huh. mica. shiny metals. do i have lines on my face? wonder how much it is.

Guy: This is the longest commerical I've ever seen.

Me: Polite mumble. (thinking) please please please don't start talking to me. your sneakers velcro. please please.

Guy: That's stuff's junk. Just junk. Doesn't do all that.

Me: mumble. (thinking) but it's all in one convenient disc, specially formulated to match my skintone and only $19.99. i can't be old enough to be thinking about buying this can i? but Lauren Hutton does look really good. please stop talking to me velcro man. where's the damn hygenist?

Guy: Like lipstick on a duck.

Me: . . .
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Monday, January 09, 2006
An Open Letter to my Immune System
Dear White Blood Cells and all your friends in there,

I just wanted to write to thank you for the stellar job you've done so far for me during this the traditional cold and flu season. Typically I have to watch out for the change from summer to fall as the time when I am rather succeptable to all the germs that the mothers and fathers bring to work when their kids go off to school. But no, you must have nipped those in the bud.

And I have to say I was quite amazed when both Tim and Karen got the flu about 2 days after I'd spent the weekend with them and I remained unscathed. Nice job there!

But, please, don't slack off now. I'm trying to do my part with the vitamins and zinc and all. But I can feel the enemy niggling at my lymph nodes today. And I'm tired...oh so tired...for no good reason except that you've redistrubuted yourselves in order to fight something off. That's OK, tired I can handle. Just don't desert me now, I beg of you.

Go team. You can do it...and all that rot.

Thank You,

The mind, body, and spirit of Lori
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
All the Good Things and the Bad Things That May Be
Or: My Slightly Before New Year's Resolution
Or: Things You Shouldn't Tell Your Mother

If you have read this blog for any length of time, you've probably gathered that my mother and I have an interesting, some might say co-dependent, relationship. One of the drawbacks of this is that I find myself telling her things that I never planned on telling her, or, more often, things I'd definitively planned on not telling her. Whatever brain-washing she used when I was a young peanut must still be in effect.

Last night, just as I was drifting off to sleep I was thinking about various things. The thought that jolted me out of sleep, that somehow I'd forgotten until just at that point of somnolence, was this:

Yesterday I talked to my mom about sex. And not just any sex. Mine.

Now I don't know what kind of a relationship you have with your mother, so maybe calmly discussing your sex life is the norm. But my mother and I persist in speaking about birth control "regulating my hormones" which it does, but you know what I mean.

Yesterday I told my mom that what I had laid out when I was 18 didn't exactly fit with who I was at 20, or at 25, but how it seemed to be falling into place again at 29. I told her in quite uncouched terms what I had done and what I planned on doing or not doing in the future. I actually said the words "I was already intimate with him." To my mother. Which was as good as admitting we'd gotten to #127 in the Kama Sutra and while my leg later cramped up uncomfortably, we liked it while it was happening.

I told her things she must have already known, and things she certainly never needed to hear spoken aloud.

Through it all she sat in the passenger seat nodding. Probably wishing she was anywhere else, trying to hum something to herself to erase any mental pictures she had of her darling baby girl doing the nasty. And I knew all this, but my mouth kept running. I could have spilled this all to my best friend. Or you bloggers. But no, for some reason I chose my mother. The copious amounts of alcohol that my liver was still trying to process on January 2nd may or may not have had anything to do with that decision.

But I think she liked the ending. Whether she liked it for the same reasons I like it, I'm not sure. But what I told her was this. No more. For me this time, not for you or for my father for or a ring or for a boy. No more until it simplifies things instead of complicating them. No more until I am only and ever. No more pretending that I didn't know what I was doing. Above all, no more pretending that I don't know who I am.

Because I do know. My path was my path, but I am standing at a bend in the road, and I say no more.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
A Day Without Banter is like a Day Without Creme Brulee
Scene: hors d'oeuvres table at the house of Cavi'

Cavi (scooping dip): I made this amazing Creme Brulee. I'll have to make it for you so you can try it.

Me: Really? Cool. Do you have a torch . . . Janette Isabella?

Cavi: I brought one. Yeah.

Me: *grin*

Cavi: Humor is so much more funny when you're smart.

Me: Absolutely.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer

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