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Writing Tripe Since 2004
BlogYear in Review 2005

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Previous Posts

Friday, October 29, 2004
Pahty Wicked Hahd Core
I'm so psyched! In about one hour (hopefully, if engineer #2 gets his report finished) I'm heading up to Boston for the weekend to party with all the Red Sox fans. Quick, someone tell me something about baseball!

Should be awesome to get out and party and try to forget about all the crap that happened this week. Well, happened long ago, but I found out about this week, actually. No, I don't plan on trying to get "revenge" by acting like a slut, Paul, but thanks. ;o) One costume required party (but I only found out about it last night, so I'm just going to be a cowgirl because I already had the hat) one costume optional party, and 25 hours of Saturday to get in to all sorts of trouble.

Expect pictures.

Getting caught is the mother of invention.
--Robert Byrne

Partying is such sweet sorrow.
--Robert Byrne
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Thursday, October 28, 2004
In Which the Flower Returns Home Triumphant from the Crusades
Ok, so yesterday was horrid. And the news I learned this morning only topped it, but I refuse to post anymore on him.

But life goes on and I'm feeling quite proud of myself now. I returned a call from Tara at Hyundai just now.

"Purely as a gesture of good will" Hyundai is going to reimburse me the $113 I paid for the O2 sensor. "We generally will not reimburse for things out of warranty." But you are, now, aren't you? So that means you knew that I was right and YOU, Hyundai Motor American and Fred Beans Hyundai of Doylestown, were wrong. I'm so glad that you "understand my frustration."

Ner ner, I win, I win, I win. Hyundai's are still crappy, unsafe cars, though. So there.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Lost and Found
I was so proud of myself that the hurt was finally going away. I would go for days without really thinking about him. Then weeks without talking to him. Weeks without even wondering how he was. The memories were good things, they didn't hurt anymore, when I did think about them. I thought it was finally over.

I didn't realize that I had based my entire "recovery" on a false assumption. I WANTED to think that no matter what he said, the reason he didn't want me anymore was because we were so far apart. He could have told me a million times (and he pratically did) that he didn't think we were really right for each other. That he thought I was "nice" but I wasn't the girl he wanted to marry. Something in my mind couldn't fathom this. It seemed illogical to me to go out with someone for 3 years and then decide that they were no longer "right." But he never lies, I should have known he wasn't lying.

I felt my heart in my throat when he told me he was seeing someone now. Why? And then when he told me it was her and that she was living in Wisconsin, I really for a moment thought I was going to throw up. His parents must really have hated me to set him up with another American while we were still going out.

How can this still hurt so much? The thought of someone else knowing him. Having special "anniversaries" with him. Hearing him sing. Why does it still hurt so much? How can it have been this long?

We've been talking periodically since the day we broke up. He is consistantly apologizing for the way he handled things with me. I wanted to be able to be his friend. I tried really hard, and maybe it was working for a while. I can't do it anymore. I can't be his anything.

I want my things back (namely my rock climbing shoes). I'll send you back whatever you want. But I can't talk to you anymore. I feel betrayed that you've chosen another situation like ours. And if I ever found out that you moved for her, like you would not do for me, I would be so angry. So I think the best thing is if I try to forget that you exist. I hope you never hurt like this.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Update on my battle with Corporate America
Ok folks, here's the latest:

October 20, 2004:
Letter (see previous post "I Fight Authority. . .Will Authority Always Win?") sent to Mr. Eric Surine, Service Manger, Fred Beans Hyundai, Doylestown, PA. CC'd to General Mangage of Fred Beans, the President and CEO of Hyndai Motor America, and the Better Business Bureau. Posted here on my blog and also on

October 26, 2004:
Telephone call from Tara at Hyundai Motor America's coporate HQ in California. She had received and read my letter. She apologized for the bad experience I had. (Which actually went pretty far in my book.) Then she asked if I had paid for the repairs. When I told her that I had, she asked me to fax her a copy of my registration, a copy of the work order, and proof of payment. When she gets them she'll review my case further. I had the work order and the registration, but I had to call Fred Beans to get them to fax a copy of my signed receipt.

I hope that I get my money back. However, even if it goes no further than this, someone DID call me. And I have a feeling that Fred Beans of Doylestown will probably be hearing from them, too. Yay me! I'll keep you guys updated.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Monday, October 25, 2004

Self-portrait taken yesterday on my solitary hike on the trails at Peace Valley Nature Center Posted by Hello
posted by LoRi~fLoWer

The view from the house that we stayed in. I woke up to the sun coming up over those moutains outside my bedroom window. It was amazing! Posted by Hello
posted by LoRi~fLoWer

House of a family friend that we stayed in on my mini-vacation. Nice, huh? Posted by Hello
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
As the Weekend Turns
Did a bit of car browsing this weekend. I really want a Subaru Forester (01 or 02 body style). The problem is, as you can probably guess, the financing. At the moment, I only have a "fair" credit rating, and, in addition, I can't really afford to pay more per month than I'm paying now. We'll see. I'm used to settling. (For those of you who've known me a long time, a name will immediately come to mind with that sentence.) I'm also looking at Honda CRVs and Accords, I have a secret liking for Toyota Tacomas with nice beefy tires, and I can totally picture myself in a Volkswagen New Beetle.

The other problem is where I work. Forensic engineering companies that, among other things, write reports on vehicle safety frown upon their employees driving around in jalopies. If I buy a GM or a Ford, I will never hear the end of it from the engineers. Besides, once you know about the safety issues in most cars (including the one I drive)--not to mention seeing the "after" pictures--you can't really picture driving one every day. Unfortunately, I can't afford a Volvo, and they aren't giving me one to drive here (if only I was business development, then I'd get a Volvo AND a Blackberry).

I met my best friend's Dad at the dealership. He had a plan. "I'm your uncle. You've got a three-week window to buy a car. We'll make sure to tell them that your mom just bought from them and we want to talk to the same sales guy." Right, all good in theory. So he starts talking.

Mr. D: "Yeah, this is my niece, she's looking at a Forester, she's not in a hurry to buy, but she wanted to talk to Dave. Yeah, my sister just bought an Outback from you guys a couple of months ago and she's really happy with it."

Sales Manager Jeff: Really? That's great. We'll see what we can do for you. What's your sister's name?

Mr. D.: *blank stare*

Me: Marlene R------ *smile*

Sales Manager: "Riiight. Ok well, you can go out and take a look and let us know if you need anything or want to drive something."

Smooth, wasn't it? Mr. D is great though (see archive entry on Spiritual Fathers). He won't let me get screwed over, that much I know. Once when Meg and I were younger we went to a now non-existant department store and bought some cheap roller blades. Got 'em home and mine were broken. So Mr. D goes back in with us and says, "we're gonna need a new pair of these, they were broken when we got them home." The guy behind the counter asked how he could know that we didn't break them and we're now trying to bring them back. How's that for customer service? Anyway Mr. D says "Listen, you can replace them now or pay for the lawsuit later when she uses them and breaks her neck." I had a nice new pair of roller blades.

Anyway, any suggestions on the car?
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Friday, October 22, 2004
What's in a Name? And a bit of culture.
This is where I got the name for my blog:

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.

---Dorothy Parker

Sarcasm Rocks. But I have to say that my favorite poem of all time is:

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full fo the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.
---William Butler Yeats

That being said, however, the best poet in my mind is Gerard Manley Hopkins. To me, his poems are the definition of poetry, and are to be read aloud, as all good poetry is. Hopkins used words that go together on your tongue, somehow. Look:

Pied Beauty

Glory be to God for dappled things --
For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches' wings;
Landscape plotted & pieced -- fold, fallow, & plough;
And áll trades, their gear & tackle & trim.
All things counter, original, spáre, strange;
Whatever is fickle, frecklèd, (who knows how?)
With swíft, slów; sweet, sóur; adázzle, dím;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is pást change:
Práise hím.

How great is that??

He also wrote a really awesome poem about youth mourning for the adult it will become, because it will lose its sense of wonder and become cynical, lose a bit of its soul. One thing you have to know about this poem is that when Hopkins was writing, when a girl named Margaret was young her name was pronounced "mar-ga-ret", but when she became a woman she was called "mar-gret". So the last "Margaret" in the poem should be read "mar-gret" and all the rest are "mar-ga-ret"s.

Spring and Fall
To A Young Child

Margaret, are you grieving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leaves, like the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Ah! as the heart grows older
It will come to such sights colder
By & by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
And yet you wíll weep & know why.
Now no matter, child, the name:
Sorrow's springs are the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What héart héard of, ghóst guéssed:
It is the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for.

Thanks for listening.

posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Love and 80s Hair
Just to let any interested parties know, I am planning a lengthy post about my mini-vacation to upstate NY visiting my very-lovable-but-about-a-decade-behind-the-rest-of-the-world family for a wedding. I'm waiting to finish off the film so I can include pictures. I think I got a great shot of some random wedding guests drunkenly trying to move a ficus tree at the reception. If only it were video. I don't know why they wanted to move the tree, by the way. Hopefully I got some nice foliage shots too, but it's always hit or miss with disposable cameras. Maybe I should have added a digital camera to my birthday wish list.

Speaking of that. What's up with all the November birthdays? February must be a randy sort of month. Ew. Pretend I didnt' say that.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
It's Almost that Time Again
November 14, 1976: The day I graced the world with my presence. . . the reason I should be graced with presents.

Here is a list of things I would like for my birthday:

1. An extra $100 a month (You have no idea how much it would help)
2. An end to the panic attacks in the middle of the night (although I have been getting better at stopping them before they start)
3. Brand new front shocks for my bike
4. To get offered a wonderful job in London (or somewhere in England)
5. To be inspired with an idea for a book that I can follow through
6. A doggie (and the kind of lifestyle to accommodate having one)
7. A boyfriend (yes, in that order--and having #6 may negate the need for this one, we'd have to see)

Bonus: For people, when I say that I do not want to have children (like ever) not to say "Oh, you'll change your mind." Maybe I will, but do you have to be so damn condescending? This would be nice now, even before my birthday.

posted by LoRi~fLoWer
I Fight Authority...Will Authority Always Win?

October 20, 2004

Mr. Eric Surine
Service Manager
Fred Beans Hyundai
830 N. Easton Rd.
Doylestown, PA 18901

Dear Mr. Surine:

I am writing this letter to describe to you a disappointing experience I had with Hyundai Motor America and Fred Beans Hyundai in particular. I brought my car in to be serviced because the check engine light was on. Like any person on a budget I was glad to hear that the cause of the light was a catalytic converter and that this item was covered under my warranty. I dropped my car off on the evening of October 14th after informing Nicholas Weisel that I would not be able to pick the car up until Tuesday, October 19th as I would be out of town.

I received a message from Mr. Weisel on Monday, October 18th that, although they had replaced my catalytic converter, they could not remove the O2 sensor from the old converter. He informed me that this meant that I would need a new O2 sensor and that it would be $119. He stated that he had talked to the district representative on my behalf, in order to see if this part could be considered under warranty, but the representative had said no, because my car was no longer eligible for the emissions warranty.

I spoke to Mr. Weisel on Tuesday, October 19th. At this time, I explained to him that I did not agree that I should have to pay for the cost of the O2 sensor, because when I had dropped my car off at Fred Beans, I had a working sensor in the car. I still maintain that this sensor is not broken. How am I to know that every means to remove it was attempted before deciding that it needed to be replaced? Why should I not assume that Hyundai, or even Fred Beans, makes sure that the O2 sensor will not be able to be removed in order to ensure that each service made “under warranty” will cost the owner something? After speaking with Mr. Weisel, who in fact seemed to agree with me that having to pay for the sensor was unfair, he gave me the telephone number for Hyundai Consumer Affairs.

I had a lengthy conversation with “Steve,” at Hyundai Consumer Affairs who was very nice, but basically informed me that because my mileage was considerably over 60,000 miles, his hands were tied in regard to the replacement of my O2 sensor. In fact, Steve told me that the district representative had more authority in this matter than he did. He advised me to go into the dealership to speak to you and ask to speak to the district representative myself, and that if I was not given his number, I should probably have my car serviced elsewhere in the future. However, at this point, I realize that any course of action, even to taking the time to write this letter, is probably futile. A customer should never be told “my hands are tied here.” Each employee of Hyundai should be empowered to take any course of action to ensure the customer has a positive experience. I am not asking to be given a brand new car. I am asking someone to understand that I should not have to pay for a sensor that I had no part in making irremovable, that is not even broken, and was being replaced during the process of a repair covered under warranty.

Neither Hyundai nor Fred Beans seem to show any regard for customer or brand loyalty. For a company to allow a disappointed customer to hang up the phone or walk out of their place of business without doing everything they can to make sure they leave happy tells me that you could care less whether or not my next car purchase will be a Hyundai. Maybe you have already become resigned to the fact that anyone who purchases a Hyundai will be a one time purchaser once they experience not only the lack of part quality, but also the misrepresented “best warranty in the business.” In spite of this, perhaps some thought should be given to the other potential customers with which each disappointed Hyundai owner has contact. Imagine if each Hyundai owner today went and told only one other person in the car market to steer clear of Hyundai, and that person listened. The cost could potentially be millions, and all for a $119 part here, a $119 part there. I intend to tell more than one person. In fact, I intend to post this letter on my website.

This is not an isolated incident. I have already had to replace my mass airflow meter twice in the four years I have owned my car. Once it was taken care of under warranty. However, the second time it failed, it was only 2 years later, and was no longer under warranty. This is a non-maintence part, and should not have failed twice in such a short period of time. I am also already having an oil consumption issue, which is ridiculous for a car I purchased new in 2000.

I would love to speak with someone at Hyundai Motor America about any of these issues if anyone is interested. It is my sincere hope that this letter prompts some action and some changes in your customer service policies.


Lori L. Renner

Cc: Anthony Lukanski, General Manager
Finbarr O'Neill, President and CEO, Hyundai Motor America
Better Business Bureau

posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Hiding the Olive Branch
Last night I was lying in bed on the edge of sleep thinking about this fight/ argument/ disagreement that I'm having with a friend right now. I hate going to sleep thinking someone out there is angry with me. I am not one of those people who thrive on conflict. In fact, I'll apologize for something that I never did, never had any intention of doing, or wouldn't even know how to do, just to keep the peace. And if I have done something wrong, I'll apologize even more profusely for that. I hate fighting with the people that I love, and any spark of anger I might have felt usually fizzles within about 5 minutes. But this time (excuse my use of the wrong pronoun, it's to avoid being gender specific) I really thing that they are in the wrong. I honestly think that in this case I was the party treated badly.

Normally, even this wouldn't stop me from apologizing if I thought the other person would say, "I'm sorry too." But instead, I'm being made to feel not only that I overreacted, but that what I over reacted to was simply the pure, unvarnished truth about my personality. . .that I should be thankful for being told every single flaw this person sees in my personality. . . and, perhaps, even seek some sort of professional help for said flaws.

Maybe these flaws are inherent to my personality. And maybe if I went to a therapist and said "tell me what's wrong with me" and subsequently paid him $200 an hour for his advice...maybe then I wouldn't have the same "over-the-top" reaction at being told these things as I do being told them by a friend. It is not the way to get through to someone, to change someone, to love someone.

I'm sorry that we're fighting. I'm sorry that things got out of hand. But I still think you just don't treat people that way. And I still think that you owe me a sincere apology.

When I pass, speak freely of my shortcomings and my flaws.
Learn from them, for I'll have no ego to injure.
Aaron McGruder, Boondocks, 07-04-04
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Stuck in the Middle Again
Ok all you (two) people who read my blog. One of you said the reason you never comment is that you don't have anything to add. Well, how about if I ask you a direct question? Something happened at work today, and I'm trying to remain Switzerland on this one, but I'm curious to know what uninvolved people think.

One of the guys at work has a list of people he forwards jokes, pictures, other humor stuff. Some of it is really crude, sexual, you name it. It's an equal opportunity offender. But before he'll put you on the list he sends you an email that says something to the effect of, "I'll forward anything and everything. I'll put you on this list but you have to promise not to be offended by anything, if you can't promise that don't sign on." Ok, fair enough. I'm on the list, by the way.

This morning we get an email of pictures of the soliders in the Gulf. I'm sure most people have seen it, they're sleeping in holes, they have balaclavas over their face to keep the sand out...just pictures showing the horrible conditions they are facing over there. I'd actually gotten them before with an accompanying message that said "Lest we forget...etc." Well this guy at work had labeled the subject line: Fun Pictures. And his message was "Looks like a fun place."

One of us on the list has a brother over in Iraq right now. She got very offended at the tone of the email and the word "fun" being used. She hit "Reply all" and sent an email which said something like: "Thanks, next time my brother calls and says he's OK when really he's sitting in 120 degree sand, I can remember how much 'fun' he is having. Thanks so much, glad you think it's 'fun'." Yes that's paraphrased, but I think I got the tone right. Ok, that's fair enough too.

Now what do you think? Was she justifibly offended? I know for a fact she doesn't like this guy much. But then, he's not a guy who is always very likable? Did he pick the right forum? Did she?

I've actually had to state to people today. "I don't want to talk about this, I just want to edit reports...edit reports...edit reports." Put your head down, do your job, leave at 5, is my motto. Comment on this!
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
My Favorite Word Ever!
Petrichor: (n.) The pleasant smell that accompanies the first rain after a dry spell.

How great is that? You know that smell. Who knew there was a word for it?
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Monday, October 11, 2004
Made it to Manyunk!
What a rockin' cool weekend! Saturday night I went over to my friend Cara's place (her huband was in Vegas for "work", yeah right (o; ) and we had a night of debauchery. Well..kind of...we ate homemade pizza, drank wine, and watched DVDs. Crashed out and got up and went for a super long bike ride. I think I almost killed her, though. We went on the Schuykill River Trail starting at Valley Forge Park and rode all the way into Manyunk and back. That's 33.5 miles, thank you very much. We had picked up some sandwiches at WaWa and we ate those once we got to Manyunk. The last 5 miles or so on the way back were killer because we were both so tired, but it was a nice sense of accomplishment, not to mention a great night's sleep that night! Next goal is to take that trail to the Art Museum, not sure if I'll be able to convince Cara of that...might have to do that one on my own. Good stuff.

In other news, I finally got a flip phone. With GSM so now I can check my email and IM and stuff. At least for the first 30 days while it's free. Everyone, call me!!!
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
The Intrigue of the Mystery Girl
I plan to keep checking back. You should too.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Friday, October 08, 2004
I had another one of my panic attacks last night. This morning, actually, at around 4 a.m. This was probably the worst one yet. My entire body was hot and quivering...not shaking, it was faster than that. And my heart was beating so fast. I couldn't lie still in the bed. I wanted to run somewhere, but my roommate had just gotten in and was wandering around. I got out of bed and was just crouched down in the middle of the floor of my room with my hands over my head. Somehow I ended up bunched up in the corner of my bed praying as hard as I could. It took a long time to calm myself down, or at least it felt like a long time until my heart rate came back to normal. I don't know why these happen to me. I lead a normal, mainly happy life, then suddenly these instances of primal terror surround me. I wish I knew how to make them stop. They linger too, even now I feel like I'm standing on the precipice of one, and if I just let myself think of the wrong thing I'd be on the floor in a ball again. I can feel the vibrations of it still inside me.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Have I already run of things to say in my blog? No, not really, but maybe for the moment. I've been sick *cough cough* and not at work, which meant that when I did come back things had really piled up. I'm still trying to slog through them. Sometimes I wonder why I took a job that was so deadline oriented. Then I realize that I THRIVE on it.

So for the one interested person who keeps bugging me to update this:

This weekend should be fun. I have dinner with my co-worker, Tim, and his wife on Friday night. Then on Saturday morning, I'll be at mom's and our friend Georgi is coming over with her new puppy (whose name I don't know) and her other dog, Munchin. Munchin is a pretty cool dog, despite having an unfortunate name and despite being a terrier. Sunday I'm going for a bike ride (not a real ride, just on a paved trail) with my friend Cara.

But next weekend is what I'm really looking forward to! My brother flies in on Thursday afternoon. Which means I'll have to go get him, drive him to my work, have him drive the car to mom's and then come get me when I'm done. Depending on the times of all that... Maybe he'll just want to hang at work with me. That'd be pretty cool too. Then I have Friday off and we're heading to upstate New York, in the Aiderondacks, for my "step-cousin's" wedding. We'll see all the Aunts and Uncles, but the best part of that is that my brother will be there too, just him, no nephews! I'll even have Monday and Tuesday off too.

Just slogging through until then.

You don't live in a world all alone. Your brothers are here too.
--Albert Schweitzer(1875 - 1965)

posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Monday, October 04, 2004
A Girl and Her Bike
I let my bike down yesterday. She was ready. She had new (to her) shocks and high-end new (to her) brakes. Her chain was clean, her cogs were lubed. She was begging to be ridden—especially considering the stupid mistake I made which caused her to miss the ride on Saturday.

So I got up even earlier than I would have to for church and drove all the way down to the border of Delaware/Maryland/Pennsylvania to meet up with the club. The plan was to have two groups of riders, a slower group and a faster group. The slower group ended up consisting of...ME. I was the only girl, which I'll admit is a bit daunting, even if it shouldn't be. I have a bit of a chest cold, but I didn't realize how much it was going to affect my capability to suck in oxygen, although I should have AND it was just too hard of a trail for me. I don't know if I could have made it up some of those hills if I'd had an oxygen tank strapped on my Camelback. They ended up constantly waiting for me (God Bless them for not tarring and feathering me). I made it about 2 miles (I SWEAR it was all uphill) before I told them that I couldn't do it. Not didn't want to, not I needed a break...I couldn't do it. And that was so completely humiliating. They got me to the fire road that lead back to the parking lot. And they were all sort of standing around, probably making sure I didn't have a coronary. They were very nice. Gave me some advice about riding everyday, etc., made sure I didn't want to try to keep going, and then went off.

I headed down the fire road alone with a feeling in my gut that I should have been able to do better. That I HAVE to go back to Weight Watchers to lose another 30 pounds. And a simultaneous feeling of never wanting to get back on my bike again and wanting to get so much better at it that I could ride past them all. Then I looked to my left. A huge open field bordered by trees. A perfect fall sky, a perfect fall smell in the air. And here I was under this open dome of sky, able to ride, if not ride well. Able to see and smell and hear on this pristine autumn day. I sat down on the dew-wet grass, ate half a power bar, drank some water, and had my own little church.

I also did a little examining of the feelings swirling around in me. Why did I feel like I want to cry? Was I just embarassed or frustrated? Maybe partly. As with most things that I have lately tried to bury, it had to do with Ben. Ben is the reason I have a bike. Ben, until last month, was the only person I'd ever been on a trail with. Ben wouldn't have left me there at the bottom of the hill struggling for breath. Ben would have helped somehow, right? Or at least, under it all—under the embarrassment at my failure, at my weight, at my skill—would have been the knowlege that it he loved me. That whether or not I made it the whole way up the hill he would go home with his arm around me.

BUT. The difference between the me 3 months ago and the me now is, I felt those things, I let myself acknowledge those things, but then I got back up on my bike planning my next ride. Planning to train. Planning to get better because I want to be a good biker. If I want this, I can do this. On my own.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Friday, October 01, 2004
Lori..What is that you WANT, exactly?
Good question. I want a relationship that is real. Too vague? Ok, how about an illustration?

It's Saturday morning and the fall sun is slanting through the ventian blinds onto our bed. I stretch and open my eyes to see a sun-striped him propped up on one elbow looking at me. "God you're beautiful," he says, and means it, even as he pats the extra bits around my middle.

It's early, but we like to get up early on Saturdays to get the most out of the day. A nap in the middle of the day is sometimes required, but being in bed together in the middle of the day can have certain rewards besides sleep. Today I have a nice long mountain bike ride planned with the club I belong to. He absolutely HATES biking, so he's going off to sit in the stands of some sporting event with his buddies, or maybe he'll just be sitting in front of his computer today. But we'll probably catch a movie and grab some dinner tonight. And we have all day Sunday to be together if we want. We'll have a nice talk together then; it's amazing how we never seem to run out things to say to each other...or how comfortable a simple silence is with him. Maybe we can talk about that little house in the woods we saw for sale.

On my way out the door I bend over to plant a kiss on his forehead while he's putting on his socks. He grabs me around the waist and pulls me into his lap. "I want a real kiss," he tells me. And if I didn't have to be somewhere, I would push him back into bed and given him more than just a kiss.

Is that too much to ask? Is that really more than an average human male can offer? It's a give and take, I do realize that. And I am more than willing to give.

And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I get nothing but left behind
Everybody seems to be getting what they need,
Where's mine?

Cause your what I need so very
But I'm anything but ordinary.

--Train, Ordinary

posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Quote for the Day
We walk up the beach under the stars. And when we are tired of walking, we lie flat on the sand under a bowl of stars. We feel
s t r e t c h e d
, expanded to take in their compass. They pour into us until we are filled with stars, up to the brim.

  • Anne Morrow Lindbergh 1906-2001.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer

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