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Writing Tripe Since 2004
BlogYear in Review 2005

BlogYear in Review 2006
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Friday, July 28, 2006
Hickory Dickory Dock

My roofmate and I aren't home very much. When we do come in, we're usually on our way back out so mail gets tossed on the coffee table, jackets get hung over the dining room chairs, and there's a lovely pile of shoes near the front door. We're messy people, but we aren't dirty. We do dishes, take out the trash, keep food in the cupboards, and sometimes we even vacuum.

So imagine my surprise last night when I leaned from the couch to the coffee table to grab my drink and saw something scurry from underneath our door jamb (gah, the hairs on the back of my neck are raising as I type this) toward the far wall. I screamed...yes, I screamed like a little girl...and I must have scared it because it ran back into the fucking crater under our front door that is apparently usually covered by our doormat. I had no idea it was there.

My roofmate was still at work, so I had to deal with this alone. Deal with it? Right. I squished into a corner of the couch, curled my legs up under me, and proceeded to utterly panic:

There's a mouse. A dirty poopy mouse. IN OUR HOUSE. Shit Shit Shit. How did it get here? What do I do, what do I DO??? Call roofmate! Yes, that's it, she'll come home and then at least I won't be alone with the mouse that is IN OUR HOUSE. She's not answering....


A mouse that I'm fervantly hoping is the same mouse comes scurring out of our coat closet on the other side of the room.

*ding dong*

Shit that's my food. How can I get to the door without my feet touching the ground?

When my roofmate finally got home from work, I had been sitting on the couch with my feet up for approximately 2 hours. I had to pee really badly, but there was a large stretch of mouse infested floor between the couch and the bathroom. I had called emergency maintainance, but they apparently didn't consider a mouse an emergency. Roofie can be a self-proclaimed bitch on wheels when it comes to stuff like that so she called them back and some poor sad tired man had to come out at 10.30 pm to set up a mouse trap for us. We certainly weren't going to do it.

Apparently, from what he told us, the building that we live in has been having a "little problem with mice." And all they can do is trap them when people call. He said he thought someone had probably brought them in on a recent move-in. Oh and they're going to come out today and fill the gaping chasm leading to hell that is on the inside of our front door jamb.

I'm completely and utterly skeeved out. It's not the mouse itself that creeps me out, I've held mice. But they came out of a cage. I've dissected a rat. But it was dead already. But I refuse to co-habit with something that doesn't use a toilet, is associated with people who leave food in piles on their kitchen floor, carries the Black Plague, and can eat it's way through a cement door jamb and apparently muscle aside a carpet remant. I'm throwing out EVERY. SINGLE. THING. in our cupboards. Maybe even the dishes.


posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Thursday, July 27, 2006
I hate all my clothes

Yep, it's about that time of year again. I don't know if guys go through this, but, for me at least, every August and every (oh, say...) March it's the same thing. By August I hate all my summer clothes and I fondly remember all the comfy, cozy, fleecy sweaters and such in those magical boxes under my bed. I long for that chilly nip in the air that means I can wear my funny hat with the ear flaps again. And maybe, just maybe, I even miss the snow. This attitude always comes at least 1 to 2 months before sweaters will be a viable clothing option.

Around March--which, along with February, is the most miserable, windy, icy time of year in Southeastern Pennsylvania--I begin to feel like I've eaten an entire skein of yarn and if I have to keep my neck, head, arms, hands, and legs covered for one more second I might implode. I want nothing more than to shove all my sweaters in those stupid boxes under my bed and get started on my vast selection of capri pants and wispy shirts.

I'm glad I live in a part of the country that gives me such wonderful seasonal opportunities to bemoan my wardrobe.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Monday, July 24, 2006
The character in the movie was so like him. And the storyline. God, that storyline glued her to her seat and made her want to flee the room at the same time. But no, she hadn't cried and she wasn't going to cry. It was done and that was all.

The credits rolled and she rose slowly from the couch and said her goodbyes with the soundtrack still playing in her brain. Though it was pouring, she walked slowly to her car, unable to shake the feeling that she was somehow on the verge of something, the edge of something.

It was about then that the fireworks started. The last hurrah of some summer carnival nearby. That the noise shook her car felt right somehow, like it matched the frequency of her body. She drove away with colors spreading across her field of vision, looking like an impressionst painting through the raindrops. The lump in her throat turned into a sob and the sob turned into a force she couldn't stop. She cried and drove, her love exploding into pieces in the sky above her, leaving only the smell of gunpowder in the air and a smoky haze under every streetlight.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Friday, July 21, 2006
100 Things; or I Heart Self-Indulgence
Looking around a bit on the blog-o-sphere after reading TJ's post, I realized that a lot of people, including some friends have done a "100 Things About Me" post. And since the world does, in fact, revolve around me, how could I fail to join in.

So, in no particular (conscious) order:
  1. I'm a fast reader but I often get bored in the middle of a book and switch to a different one.
  2. I'd rather watch a movie I've already seen.
  3. I have a strange phobia about making phone calls. When I finally do make a call, if I have to leave a message for the person to call me back, I start to dread their return call.
  4. If I had to work in a blue collar job, I'd like to either learn how to lay cement or make things out of bricks.
  5. I love dogs out of reason but I don't have one yet.
  6. My father died in 2001.
  7. I'm terrified of losing my mother.
  8. When I was little I mostly played with "boy's toys" especially any sort of construction set and I liked stuffed animals better than dolls.
  9. I try not to hate anyone.
  10. I really want to find someone who wants to marry me just as I am, where I am (and vice versa).
  11. I wish I didn't get so attached to people. I think I love too hard.
  12. I like babies, but I'm very uncomfortable around most children. I fear I have no maternal instinct, but I'm facinated with the idea of pregnancy.
  13. I broke my nose in 6th grade while in a speed skating race (on roller skates) by crashing into the back of someone's head.
  14. Yes, I really do think that people should be interested in this list.
  15. I know what having a panic attack feels like. And it's awful.
  16. I love all amusment park rides.
  17. I flirt, but I don't think I'm particularly good at it.
  18. If it wouldn't be a waste of money, I'd get my Masters in English Literature. I say it would be a waste only because I don't want to teach.
  19. I get frustrated with people who don't think as fast as I do. I'm sure that people get frustrated with me for not thinking as fast as they do.)
  20. I talk to myself in the car and in stores.
  21. I miss Austin.
  22. I wish I had a nutritionist and a trainer, I'm horrible at self-motivation and I eat my feelings.
  23. I have 4 nephews, but I don't know any of them very well.
  24. I'm very much the baby of my immediate family and the only girl. And I act like it--but just around my family.
  25. I was in the 95th percentile for the verbal section of my SATs but only in the 25th in math. I think I have discalculia.
  26. I choose to be alone a lot.
  27. I wish I were a better Christian
  28. Most of the time I think I'm a pretty cool person, yet one who sort of bumbles her way through life.
  29. I don't feel grown up enough to be almost 30.
  30. I like working with men better than women.
  31. I worry at how selfish some of my thoughts are.
  32. I try not to lie.
  33. However, I'm a good liar when I feel backed into a corner.
  34. I was a virgin until I was 20.
  35. I like public speaking.
  36. I want to live in Boston some day.
  37. With a few exceptions, I don't watch new TV shows.
  38. I learned how to weld last year, but I haven't done it since.
  39. I love roadtrips.
  40. I won a fiction writing award from the Greater Lehigh Valley Writers Group when I was in college. I have the story somewhere if anyone is interested.
  41. I don't try to write to be published because I'm scared I'll fail.
  42. My college internship was at a magazine called Compressed Air
  43. I imagine scenes from the book Anne of Green Gables to help me fall asleep at night.
  44. I've only snuck into one movie ever.
  45. I've never seen any of the Godfather movies or Braveheart or Forest Gump or countless other movies that you think I should have seen.
  46. I'm very messy at home, but extremely organized at work.
  47. I like my Windows' toolbar on the right hand side, not the bottom.
  48. I've had a girl crush.
  49. I've slept in the same bed as a married man. (But I've never seen two people squish further away from each other on the same bed--and we were above the covers.)
  50. There's still one "bad boy" in my past that I'd probably find hard to resist even though I know he's not good for me.
  51. I try hard not to repeat mistakes
  52. I don't dream about my wedding or my wedding dress. If forced, I'd probably say I wanted a big backyard BBQ.
  53. I'm censoring this list.
  54. I usually choose the hard road.
  55. I love to swim, but I'd rather be in a pool than a lake. I don't like to swim in the ocean.
  56. I'll kick your ass at Monopoly.
  57. I'd like to think I could kick your ass at Scrabble.
  58. At the end of the day I think of conversations that I had and things I did that day and analyze the heck out of them. Usually to my detriment.
  59. I have no idea what I want to do to leave my mark on the world.
  60. I have become resigned to the fact tha I probably won't leave my mark on the world.
  61. I avoid politics and discussing politics. I purposely know as little about politics as possible so I can avoid these discussions.
  62. I have had an article published in an online journal.
  63. I have climbed a mountain.
  64. I had a really embarassing experience at an indoor rock climbing gym and I haven't been to once since, although I really enjoy climbing.
  65. Same for horseback riding.
  66. I hate dating. (But the previous two embarassing experiences did not occur on a date.)
  67. I don't mind only having a few good friends.
  68. I've known my best friend since our senior year in high school and we've never had a fight.
  69. I search for father figures, even at 29.
  70. I like to feel small.
  71. I've been to England 4 times and France once.
  72. I have a whole box of old letters that I'll never throw away.
  73. I'm always shocked by what I look like in pictures.
  74. If I won the lottery I'd use my money to outbid developers who bulldoze our farmland here in Bucks County.
  75. I'd probably be more superficial if I could afford it.
  76. I very rarely wear high heels and I always regret it when I do.
  77. I love the woods.
  78. I like all kinds of music, even country.
  79. I'm secretly facinated by any sort of montage where they mix video clips with music.
  80. My life has a constantly evolving soundtrack that I keep in my head.
  81. I used to be a competitive roller skater (jumps, spins, sequined outfits and all) I even have medals.
  82. I'm very competitive in general.
  83. I tend to trust people even though I pretend to be jaded and cynical.
  84. I'm optimistic.
  85. I used to be scared of getting kidnapped and that fear is only buried just under the surface.
  86. I wish I could drive a car with manual transmission.
  87. I like scenes in movies where people are walking in slow motion, they always look so cool.
  88. I like to edit because I like finding other people's mistakes. I hate it when people find mistakes I missed.
  89. If I could have any job I wanted, I'd like to be a dog trainer.
  90. I think I'm just the right height.
  91. I know what people notice first about me, but I wish it were something different.
  92. I had major surgery when I was around 5 years old.
  93. I have one ureter on my right hand side and two on my left. (You're supposed to have one on each side.)
  94. If I could trade bodies with anyone it would be Jennifer Lopez.
  95. I like songs with words that read like poetry. I get obsessed when I find one, and play it over and over. I always listen more closely to the words than to the intricacies of the music. (I guess that could be three things but they're all related.)
  96. I love writing with Sharpies and felt-tip pens.
  97. I'm not really good at anything artistic.
  98. I write in a random mixture of print and cursive, but I never use the cursive lowercase "b" or "z."
  99. I have had more romantic relationships that started online than those that started any other way.
  100. I've never had a nickname that wasn't a variation on Lori.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Stick that Where?
Let's talk about bumper stickers. I hate them. Sure sometimes they can have mildly amusing sayings. In fact I've often thought about having one made that says "Genius is the cross I bear." But I still hate them.

I just don't understand why you'd put stickers on an expensive piece of machinery that, more than likely, you will have to try to convince someone else to buy at some point. I have used a bumper sticker on my car for one reason--to cover up a stupid mistake I made while learning Lori's Life Lesson #378: "Just because there was no one in the driveway behind your car when you parked it last night, doesn't mean there is no one behind it this morning. Defrost your back window."

No one cares where you like to go on vacation, where you had your cat neutered, or what your "other vehicle" is.

Things you stick on your car can fall into various categories:

Stickers with dates on them: They're really only "cool" the year you got them. Who cares that you went to Marriage Encounter 2003? It's 2006 and you're divorced.

A large subcategory of stickers with dates are campaign stickers: You lost. Now what?

Stickers proudly proclaiming your religion: You'd better represent then. No road rage, flipping the bird, or cutting people off in traffic.

Stickers with punny sayings: Is it really that funny? Is it funny more than once? Do you really need a conversation starter on your bumper?

Stickers broadcasting your sexual orientation or your opinion on any sexual orientation: I like my tires full and my car un-keyed, how about you?

Magnetic ribbons: Enough already, huh? The only thing you are supporting is the car magnet manufacturing industry.

So resist the urge. I'm still going to laugh, even if it's paid for.

posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
It Could Have Been A Great Day
Hey, who knew you could put italics in your post title? Cool!

This morning had all the makings of a wonderful day. Upon arriving at work we had no power (some fierce electrical storms last night), which meant not only were there no lights, computers, servers, air conditioning, and telephones, but also no toilets as we run on a septic system.

We all sat around the lobby waiting for someone with some authority to tell us to go home, which happened an hour after I had gotten there. We all left with that lighthearted feeling that only an unexpected paid day off can provide--the electric company had said they'd have the power up around 8 p.m.

I got home around 9.30 a.m.

They called us back in at 10.30 a.m.

So here I am. There's no airconditioning upstairs where my office is. There's no voice mail. And none of the engineers came back in.

So, yeah, it could have been a great day. But it wasn't.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
I like this quote from Colette
Colette was kind of...controversial, and I don't know the particular context of this quote, but I still like it:

"I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer."

I'm not sure if I can claim any one of those things. Can you? Should we be able to?
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Monday, July 17, 2006
My British Network

...which I think consists of two people.

About 2 or 3 weeks ago I purchased plane tickets. I fly into Manchester on November 10th and leave from there on the 17th. In between there falls the momentous occasion of my 30th birthday.

So with the way everything worked out, it looks like this is going to be a solo trip. I'd like to kind of do a literary journey and visit the Bronte house, Jane Austen's house (does this exist?), etc. But I'm entirely open to ideas. I've got 10 days to kill and I need help.

I need cheap places to stay and cheap/free/ or pricey but extremely interesting places to visit. They don't need to be in the Manchester area.

Suggestions please...Pash, Coffee Lover, I'm a talkin' to YOU specifically and anyone else who has any good ideas. I know my bloggers won't let me down.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Friday, July 14, 2006
Then there's the little things
I'm proud to annouce that someone found my blog while searching for "inverse mullet."

I can die now.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Do I do the Autopsy?

Or do I just let it lie?

I debated this question last night as I was trying to fall asleep. While I think it would be cathartic to dissect this most recent of my relationship failures, I could do it in a journal, or in a letter to a friend. A blog (regardless of its readership numbers) is an awfully public place to examine something that involved two private people.

On the other hand there are certain people who read this blog as their only communication with me, who seem, for whatever reasons, to have a genuine interest in my life and to care for me and what's going on with me.

So I want to post something, but I'll try to stick to the things that directly had/have to do with me. It's not fair to disparage CB. He's still the same wonderful guy he was when he was my boyfriend. And, in the larger sense, not counting some words that could have been redacted, neither of us did anything wrong. Those things that sabotage more rooted relationships than ours-- infidelity, jealousy, selfishness--they weren't what ended things.

Here are the things that I did wrong:
I didn't listen to my gut in the very beginning. "Listen to your heart" is a great name for a song, but it doesn't always work in the real world. Sometimes you should listen to those voices from your past experience. Mine were saying things like: "But you know that a long distance relationship broke your heart into pieces, some of which are still only attached with duct tape--do you want to go through that again? Should you want to go through that again?" The past was asking me hard and hurtful questions like "Do you want this just to prove it can work?" A voice from my present, namely my brother, was also quite loud and persistent: "Why do you always choose unavailable men?"

My heart was louder. "You love him, you love him. He's not unavailable--or if he is, it's only temporary. You love him, you can do this. You can make it work. You never stopped loving him from when you knew him in college. You compared every guy to him. Here's your chance. Make it work."

I love him. I listened to my heart.

And I'll admit the idea of coming full circle was alluring. The reasons for relationships, for loving someone, are complicated. Deep inside, I have always chastised myself for not waiting until marriage to have sex. Whatever you might call that, it's there. And somehow the idea of ending up with the gentle, loving man I started with was somehow redemptive. Not to mention romantic and wonderful. It would be like all that went in between--the guilt, the fear, the betrayals-- never happened.

We were so good together, when we were actually physically together. It's flicking at the raw to wonder too much if we could have made it in the same country. I think we could have, but I'll never know. I so much wanted for this to be it. But it takes more than that. As another song proclaims: "Sometimes Love Just Aint Enough."

posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Thursday, July 13, 2006
I couldn’t be
Everything that you wanted
I couldn’t tell you
Everything that I wanted

I wanted to tell you
What you did for me
I wanted to need you
‘Cause I needed to know

I couldn’t be there
and I couldn’t hold you here
I had to let you go

I started writing
and I was so happy
and I started thinking
about all of the fun we had
We traveled
and we found each other
but I wasn’t strong enough to know

And I couldn’t be there
And I couldn’t hold you here
I had to let you go

It wasn’t me who said I’m leaving, no
Or maybe it was
Hell, I don’t know

I couldn’t be there
and I couldn’t hold you here
I had to let you go

I wish you well
On all your journeys
And I think you’ll do
Everything that you wanted
And I start thinking
Bout you being happy
So I won’t feel so bad
When I’m all alone

I couldn’t be there
And I couldn’t hold you here
I had to let you go.

I had to let you go.

--Cory Morrow, "I Couldn't Be There"

posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Some of you might remember my post when we first planted the garden. It looked like this:

As of last weekend it looked like this:

The seedless cucumbers are growing up the fence, the huge thing on the left there is really 3 tomato plants which escaped their stakes during the recent deluges and the big leaves on the right belong to a very dominant and very prolific yellow squash plant. The lettuce is underneath there somewhere, the spinach couldn't take the rain.

This is my butterfly garden:
All perennials in there, so it doesn't require much tending. In the back you can just barely see the new addition, an official butterfly bush. When I took the picture I had just finished deadheading that. I can't remember what those tall purple things are called. I'm sure someone will know. Behind those in the spring I had gorgeous hot pink flowers from the daisy family.

So as far as the gardening goes, it hasn't been a bad summer.

Here are some pictures of some of the lilies elsewhere in the yard. It was quite early in the morning and the light shining through them was incredible. The pictures--as is always the case--just don't do them justice.

posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The Allure of Target
Target Shopping List

1. Shower Curtain

In Target Cart at Checkout

1. Shower Curtain
2. Cute Lavender outfit for my friends' new baby girl
3. Cute Pink outfit for my friends' new baby girl
4. A Quart of Milk
5. Two Boxes of Cereal
6. New Dashboard Confessional CD
7. Natasha Bedingfield CD
8. Limp Bizkit's Greatest Hitz (shut up. seriously...shut up.)
9. Shout Color Catchers
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Well, whatever
I'm still alive, kids. Been ducking and dodging, slipping and sliding, and taking it on the chin the past couple of weeks. Lots of things are up in the air right now, but you know what? I'm OK and I will continue to be so.

This weekend I finally bit the bullet and got rid of the little blue car. I'm now the proud owner of a 2003 Subaru Forester. Her name is Miranda and she has met with the approval of the safety sticklers at work. I'm quite pleased, yet worried about my tendancy to spend large amounts of money when I am unhappy.

My big brother is flying into the area tomorrow! I'm still trying to figure out if he is Evil Ninja Monkey of the previous comments...but I've never heard him use the word 'peckish.'

I'm still in the process of trying to convince work that they need me to fly out to Seattle for a few weeks to help set up the new office. I'm not sure what the hold up is, as they'd only have to pay for my plane tickets, but we shall see. I just want to be away from here for a while...scratch that, I need to be away from here for a while. I wouldn't mind actually leaving the planet, but I think that might be harder to arrange.

Remember, they're watching.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Friends move.
Boys lie.
posted by LoRi~fLoWer

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